Stan Freberg: St. George and the Dragonet

Capitol Records (1953)

 

Narrator:

The legend you are about to hear is true

Only the needle should be changed to protect the record

 

St George:

This is the countryside

My name is St George

I'm a knight

 

Saturday, July 10th, 8:05 pm

I was working out of the castle on the nightwatch

when a call came in from the Chief

A dragon had been devouring maidens

Homicide

My job, slay him

 

St George:

You call me, Chief

 

Chief:

Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens

The King's daughter may be next

 

St. George:

Mmm-hmm

You got a lead

 

Chief:

Oh, nothing much to go on

Say, did you take that .45 automatic

into the lab to have them check on it

 

St George:

Yeah, you were right

 

Chief:

I was right

 

St George:

Yeah, It was a gun

 

8:22 pm, I talked to one of the maidens

who had almost been devoured

 

St. George:

Could I talk to you, Ma'am

 

Maiden:

Who are you

 

St George:

I'm St. George, Ma'am

Homicide, Ma'am

Want to ask you a few questions, Ma'am

I understand you were almost devoured by the dragon, Ma'am

Is that right, dragon

 

Maiden:

It was terrible

He breathed fire on me

He burned me already

 

St George:

How can I be sure of that, Ma'am

 

Maiden:

Believe me

I got it straight from the dragon's mouth

 

St George:

11:45 pm

I rode over the King's Highway

I saw a man

Stopped to talk to him

Pardon me, Sir

Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir

 

Knave:

Sure, I don't mind

 

St. George:

What do you do for a living

 

Knave:

I'm a knave

 

St George:

Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts

 

Knave:

Yeah, so what

Do you wanna make a federal case out of it

 

St George:

No, Sir

We heard there was a dragon operating in this neighborhood

We just want to know if you've seen him

 

Knave:

Sure, I've seen him

 

St George:

Mmm-hmm

Could you describe him for me

 

Knave:

What's to describe

You see one dragon, you seen 'em all

 

St George:

Would you try to remember, Sir

Just for the record

We just want to get the facts, Sir Note

 

Knave:

Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots . . .

 

St George:

Yes, Sir

 

Knave:

Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke . . .

 

St. George:

Mmm-hmm

 

Knave:

And one big bloodshot eye

right in the middle of his forehead and

Uh, like that

 

St George:

Notice anything unusual about him

 

Knave:

No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know

 

St George:

Mmm-hmm

Yes, Sir

You can go now

 

Knave:

Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him

 

St. George:

I thought you'd never ask

A Dragonet

 

3:05 pm

I was riding back into the courtyard

to make my report to the lab

Then it happened

It was the dragon

 

Dragon:

Hey, I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon

You must be St George, right

 

St George:

Yes, Sir

 

Dragon:

I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords

 

St George:

That's about the size of it

 

Dragon:

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha

You slay me

 

St George:

That's what I wanted to talk to you about

 

Dragon:

What do you mean

 

St George:

I'm taking you in on a 502

You figure it out

 

Dragon:

What's the charge

 

St George:

Devouring maidens out of season

 

Dragon:

Out of season

You'll never pin that rap on me

Do you hear me, cop

 

St George:

Yeah, I hear you

I got you on a 412 too

 

Dragon:

A 412

What's a 412

 

St George:

Over-acting. Let's go

 

Narrator:

On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted

His fire was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked

Maiden devouring out of season is punishable

by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years

 

 

BACK to Just the Facts.